Complicated Simplicity

10 Signs that your relationship wont work out..

2007-01-11T21:01:00.000+08:00

1) He goes onto friendster when he is overseas studying and claims that he is single and looking out for other woman. When you confront him he simply gets angry and defensive saying that that is the default setting. Which is not true.

2) He goes out with his best fren to check out some girl his best fren got to noe thru the net.

3) He seems so busy and tired always and doesnt want to talk to you or be with you. But when you see his internet history he has been visiting porn websites late into the night using your internet account. That explains why he is always busy and tired.

4) He slaps and hits you.

5) He lies to his parents that he is at the hospital accompanying you throughout the night when your mum is very sick in the hospital. But in actual fact he is playing mahjong overnight at his fren's place.

6) He tells you you are fat and flabby when you have just lost 5 kg of weight and everyone else claims that you are too thin for your own good.

7) He tells his frens that you are not his girlfren and that you are just helping with bringing things overseas to him when u actually worked as a salesgirl and stood the whole day just to earn the money to fly overseas to see him.

8) He tells his frens the most intimate things are you and him but when you tell your frens about you and him he flies into a rage.

9) He puts his life plans, career plans ahead of yours.

10) He basically loves himself. More than he loves you.

2006-08-02T23:22:00.000+08:00

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.

You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.

Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

2006-06-25T00:49:00.000+08:00

"...when I don't think I can last another minute, if I just hold on, hold on tight and with everything I got, the shit gets better..."
- James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

Superwoman..

2006-06-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

When looking at the MTV, It makes me wonder.. Does he love me or does he love himself? Is it wearing me down?.. while pondering over this.. here's the lyrics to the song I crave now..

Early in the morning, I put breakfast at your table
一夜都沒睡但我　不曾如此清醒
我早餐準備了你　愛吃的東西
這次換我等你被咖啡　的香味叫醒

想要找回每天早晨　對我微笑著的你
還能夠　做些什麼代替我的歉意
總是望著我　小心翼翼順著我呼吸
而我竟然理所當然　讓你精疲力盡

You were my superwoman
安靜的在身邊　無條件給我　夢寐以求的溫柔
But I am only human
我怎麼不懂你多寂寞殘忍的犯了錯
不能失去你 Ooh—Babe---

You fought your way through the rush hour
Try to make it home just for me
月光下靜靜靠著彼此　只求夜長一點
有多久沒有好好看你　只是認定了我
無論在什麼時候回頭　都有你的笑容

是我忽略了你也會有　想要哭的感覺
沒有一種付出應該永遠心甘情願
再給被寵壞的男人最後一次機會
換我忍耐換我等待　不要真的棄權

(---Baby)是我把愛想得太簡單
以為只要我存在就能讓你取暖
心裏唯一的superwoman沒有人能代替
不能想像更不能原諒這樣讓愛化成　灰燼

If you feel it in your heart and you understand me.
STOP right where you are, everybody sing along with me.

Stop! Take time out to love..

2006-06-24T23:37:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted. The last time I posted was when I was half way through my final semester. Now.. I have embarked on a new phase.. the phase that many dread.. I started out looking forward to this new phase.. the thought of being financially independent for once.. being able to provide a more luxurious lifestyle for my love ones.. just made me want to start this phase asap.. but once its here.. it doesnt seem to be that thrilling after all.. not that theres so much work that wear me down.. but it was the exact opposite of it.. weird as it may sound.. I feel more motivated when theres piles and piles of work to do.. so I have an aim to work towards to.. when theres none.. i feel sluggish.. not sure where this will lead me too.. in front of me.. its all fogged up.. not sure where the light is at the end of the tunnel.. not sure whether if theres even one.. but I should be glad and count my lucky stars that I have a job.. a job that gives relatively good benefits.

Work aside, things are not looking that bright on the home front... mum's down again.. seeing her go through operations after operations.. all wired up and cut up just breaks my heart.. cant help feeling guilty for not spending time with her when I should have.. when theres still time for her.. I was too selfish.. paying attention only to my own needs.. while she gave up all the pleasures just to bring me and sis up.. all these years of working without a break.. scrimping and saving for us.. now.. when I am able to provide.. my dad is not around.. and my mum is lying in the hospital.. is this how things should turn out to be? well, I just hope that those out there may take this as an advice.. to slow down.. to stop rushing around for a while.. and take time out to treasure their love ones..

It felt like graduation day..

2006-03-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

ok well, I am supposed to do some update on free riders.. but i guess it's been censored due to the controversial nature.. hence,I shall skip that.. :)

I'm supposed to prepare for tomorrow's test.. but well .. here I am, looking thru the pics that I took on my FYP poster presentation day.. it was really dumb, make us stand there and do nothing.. so we went round taking pics, and it felt like graduation day.. perhaps becos this presentation marks a closure to one big part of our 4 years of uni life..so I shall not go on any further and shall let the pics do the talking.. :)

2006-03-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

umm.. 6 gals & 1 guy??

2006-03-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

The Attack of the Monsters!!!!

2006-03-12T23:44:00.001+08:00

IA mates

2006-03-12T23:44:00.000+08:00

Bigger part of CN3

2006-03-12T23:36:00.001+08:00

Lab mate

2006-03-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

Part of CN3

2006-03-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

FYP mate

2006-03-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

Aimei & me!

2006-03-12T23:02:00.000+08:00

My FYP Poster..

Middle Of Nowhere

2005-11-20T15:35:00.000+08:00

Middle Of Nowhere-
Weird
Hanson/D. Child

Isn't it weird. Isn't it strange
Even though we're just two strangers on this runaway train
We're both trying to find a place in the sun
We've lived in the shadows, but doesn't everyone
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird sometimes
Isn't it hard. Standing in the rain
You're on the verge of going crazy and your heart's in pain
No one can hear though you're screaming so loud
You feel all alone in a faceless crowd
Isn't it strange how we all get a little bit weird sometimes

Sitting on the side. Waiting for a sign. Hoping that my luck will change
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same
When you live in a cookie cutter world being different is a sin
So you don't stand out. And you don't fit in. Weird
Sitting on the side. Waiting for a sign. Hoping that my luck will change
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same
When you live in a cookie cutter world if you're different you can't win

So you don't stand out and you don't fit in. Weird
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird
Strange, how we all get a little bit
Strange, 'cause we're all just a little bit weird sometimes

Just a little bit weird sometimes

Good Enuff

2005-11-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

Good Enough
from Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (1993)
also found on The Freedom Sessions (1994) and Mirrorball (1999)

hey your glass is empty
it's a hell of a long way home
why don't you let me take you
it's no good to go alone
i never would have opened up
but you seemed so real to me
after all the bullshit i've heard
it's refreshing not to see
i don't have to pretend
she doesn't expect it from me

so don't tell me i haven't been good to you
don't tell me i haven't been there for you
just tell me why nothing is good enough

hey little girl would you like some candy
your momma said it's ok
the door is open come on outside
no i can't come out today
it's not the wind that cracked your shoulder
and threw you to the ground
who's there that makes you so afraid
you're shaken to the bone
you know i don't understand
you deserve so much more than this

so don't tell me why he's never been good to you
don't tell me why he's never been there for you
and i'll tell you that why is simply not good enough
so just let me try and i will be there for you
i'll show you why you're so much more than good enough

I Will Remember You

2005-11-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

I Will Remember You
from Rarities, B-Sides, and Other Stuff (1996)
also found on Mirrorball (1999)

i will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

remember the good times that we had
let them slip away from us when things got bad
clearly i first saw you smiling in the sun
wanna feel your warmth upon me
i want to be the one

i will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

i'm so tired that i can't sleep
standing on the edge of something much too deep
it's funny how i feel so much yet cannot say a word
we are screaming inside oh we can't be heard

i will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

so afraid to love you more afraid to lose
clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
where once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night
you gave me everything you had oh you gave me life

i will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

Searching for light at the end of the tunnel...

2005-11-15T21:10:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I have last posted.. so many things have happened & I dunno where to begin.. I came close to losing a loved one.. but with lotsa prayers.. I am glad I still have her with me now.. It's a wonder how things can suddenly go downhill just when everything seems so rosy.. But at least I know I have been right all along about one thing: Good things never last.. & that's what make good things so treasurable..

Throughout this tough time.. positive thinking, my sis and my frens helped me get on... there were days when I was so down and tired.. I thought that I couldnt take it anymore.. but for the love I had.. I carried on.. through this.. I know who I can rely on for a shoulder to cry on.. and who I can rely on.. I tot he was there.. and he was supposedly there.. but not really there.. I wish he could be there.. at least at the time I needed him most.. but I guess he din really love me as much as he claimed.. going out having fun playing mahjong.. that was all there was on his mind.. I have little hope and faith in this relationship.. though on the outside I pretend that everything was fine and going perfect..

Right at this moment.. I'm feeling so down.. and he's no where to be found.. probably out having fun.. but I'm glad I still have my frens around.. No matter how strong one is.. there is always a limit.. a breaking point.. But I guess I shouldnt go on whining anymore.. everyone has their own problems.. & I dun wish to add on to anyone else's problem.. I have given up on this lost relationship cos relationships cant survive on empty words and lies.. I dun wish to carry on with this misery on top of the misery I am going through now..

I just hope that the end of the tunnel is near and there is a light lit out there..

WAKE UP CALL!!!

2005-09-21T21:23:00.000+08:00

woohoo! just saw shiqi's blog.. it is so damn cool!.. check it out.. http://shishoi.blogspot.com/ .. felt that this is the real wake up call that i need! i should just do away with all these sweet colored blogskins.. wtf.. and get a bling bling blog too!.. i should just go all way out and try something BAD.. real BAD.. sick and tired of being the sweet little one... the one that always gets the bad deals in life.. maybe i should do a new blogskin this weekend.. a real BAD one.. maybe this weekend.. that is if i dun procrastinate.. wth.. i just dun seem to be able to have the time to do such things.. so i will just have to bear with this sweet darn thing here.. while.. this is the second wake up call in a row that i have gotten in just 2 days.. i finally have made up my mind to stop myself from being patronised by some MCP cum Mr Know-IT-All cum Mr Bossy.. wth.. who cares what he thinks is right and what he says is right.. i need no advice from u .. i really mean it.. THANKS BUT NO THANKS.. if u are reading this out there.. I have a mind of my own.. U experience aint no nothing.. U think u noe everything but u dun.. so stop pretending u noe everything.. well.. i aint goin to dedicate this post to u so i shall stop talking about/to u .. This post is dedicated to my new found freedom!! woohoo!!.. when i get the time to.. if i can find the time to.. i will do a bling bling blogskin to mark this new chapter of my life.. with my new found courage to walk away with no strings attached..

Nothing to Blog about...

2005-08-29T20:48:00.000+08:00

ok.. so i dun really have much to say.. well... thats not really the case.. hahaha real reason is that i am just plain lazy ahhaha.. so i shall just entertain u ppl out there with my pics hahaha.. not that there are a lot of u out there reading my blog hahahahah.. for those of u still reading my blog.. pls do a shout out at my chatterbox.. before it expires and gets inactivated again..hahaha..

just wanted to say something.. my love came all the way down today to woodlands to see me after his training course at shangri la.. so nice of him.. could see that he was real tired.. almost dozing off at the library while waiting for me to get off work.. so sweet of him to want to for once.. try and experience how tiring it was for me to always go to his place..anyway.. dun be silly love.. dun wan u to tired yourself out.. (more mushy stuff shall be said in private else ppl complain hehehe)

2005-08-29T20:47:00.000+08:00

nice pic take 2..

2005-08-29T20:46:00.002+08:00

dunno what my partner taking so dark...

2005-08-29T20:46:00.001+08:00

weili & me!

2005-08-29T20:46:00.000+08:00

xiao mei & me

2005-08-29T20:43:00.000+08:00

pic with bday gal & imaginary catty

2005-08-29T20:39:00.000+08:00

me and sl.. the 38 and the secret keeper

2005-08-29T20:38:00.000+08:00

one of the best pics that was taken hehehe.. without all the blurryness hahaha

2005-08-29T20:32:00.000+08:00

Bday card writing.. thinking .. thinking..thinking..

...

2005-08-28T20:45:00.000+08:00

celebrated one of my jie meis' bday yesterday.. it was quite fun.. we ate at the Manhattan Fish Market.. some sort like Fish & Co.. but I think i still prefer Fish & CO.. cos there's the New York Fish and Chips at FIsh & Co which is extremely tasty.. at least that was what I tot.. cos it's cheesy hehehe.. I love cheesy stuff.. the calamari at Fish & Co also tastes better.. but I personally think that the calamari at Marche is the best hahaha.. ok.. i am sounding like a monster... maybe thats why i have put on weight.. which should be a good sign..??... hahaha.. my mum and sis kept complaining i am too skinny and kept feeding me. but actually i do eat a lot and have gained weight.. so the next step is to tone up hahha.. so there comes the gym sessions.. but most of the time i feel so tired after work i just went straight home.. though when i reach home everyday.. i feel so bored and feel like doing something different.. but i am always too drained to do anything.. so let the tummy grow..

ok back to the bday celebration.. we talked and luffed and i was a bit abnormal yesterday.. sayign weird funny things ahhaha.. probably cos i was too tired. i had driving lesson before that and i walked around town after my lesson.. my back was aching so badly after the driving lesson and it is still aching now.. am i growing old or wat hahahaha.. i think it is my posture.. and maybe also cos i am nearing that time of the month..

ok.. i managed to side track again...after dinner at manhattan we went to tcc.. and we realised we lost the bday card for our fren somewhere in manhattan.. we were in deep shit ahhahaha.. we panicked and finally calmed down and went to get another replacement card which is exactly the same as the previous one...the night ended with some of us going to ktv and some going home straight after the desert at tcc.. i went home after goin to tcc.. was too tired and back was aching badly..

i spent today with love.. and we went to j8.. intending to watch Must Love Dogs.. cos love doesnt like dogs.. so i wanted to educate him on lovin dogs hehehe.. esp topsy.. who is such a little darling.. but in the end we din watch.. hahaha.. cos i noe he doesnt really wan to watch it.. hahaha.. so we ended up eating at Ajisen .. the ramen was very good.. and the teriyaki chicken too. i have been wanting to eat there.. and after this lunch .. i feel like goin back to have more ahhaha.. the next thing i feel like eating is pizza hut hahhaa.. intending to treat love after i get my pay.. haven treat him yet since i started my ia... maybe i shall bring him to Club Chinois.. nice food there too.. and great ambience.. anyway.. i had a great weekend.. but am quite tired and yes.. for the umpteen time.. my back is still aching..

美丽笨女人

2005-08-22T20:29:00.000+08:00

当整个世界因为太疲倦而去我仿佛听到有人为爱欢呼为爱哭泣早已经听你说过千万次要放弃从此不再为他而美丽不要鲜花不想再受委屈ok所以你背起行莨逃逃逃到远方开始要试着独立试着重新更爱自己有一天清晨醒来发觉不能呼吸于是又乖乖回到他怀里这次你下决心牺牲自己ok这一个美丽的美丽的笨女人oh....她的故事发生在每个角落里她让我相信了自己的爱情不能和她一样软弱无力不能迷迷糊糊勉强自己爱不是死心踢地就有结局哎呀呀呀.....哎呀呀呀.....所以你背起行莨逃逃逃到远方开始要试着独立试着重新更爱自己有一天清晨醒来发觉不能呼吸于是又乖乖回到他怀里这次你下决心牺牲自己ok这一个美丽的美丽的笨女人oh....她的故事发生在每个角落里她让我相信了自己的爱情不能和她一样软弱无力不能迷迷糊糊勉强自己每一个美丽的美丽的笨女人oh.....都需要向天祈求感情出现奇迹未来的日子需要多少的谎言用来欺骗自己麻醉自己需要多少同情多少勇气这一个美丽的美丽的笨女人oh....她的故事发生在每个角落里她让我相信了自己的爱情不能和她一样软弱无力不能迷迷糊糊勉强自己爱不是死心踢地就有结局笨女人BY-BD-12-31

Dedicated to my partner..

2005-08-19T22:56:00.000+08:00

I went out with my partner this evening and had a great time with her.. we shopped and talked and ate and luffed like those days in sec sch.. we both bought nice bottoms.. did kuku and ah lao things.. hahaha just wanted to record this wonderful evening down on my blog

Are there fairytales in real life?

2005-08-19T22:37:00.000+08:00

It has been more than a month since I have last blogged. while.. nothing much has changed.. I'm still doing my IA.. and I m the usual lazy me.. just plain lazy to blog.. while.. who wans to face the computer again except for chatting purposes after 12 hours of computer dealing in the office? while.. is anyone still reading my blog?.. if so.. heres a little treat for u..

I have been thinking.. are there fairytale endings in real life? I do not think so.. at least I have not experience any fairytale endings before.. my fairytales always stops at snow white getting poisoned.. cinderella running home from the ball.. thats it.. i never get to the happily-ever-after ending..sometimes.. i feel like i should just stop short changing myself.. and move on.. it does get a little tired when you are being lied to time and again.. and the reason for getting lied to is: I was afraid you would get angry.. so I lied. Thats so lame. Why the hell would I get angry if I am not being lied to. This is starting to sound like the chicken-first-or-egg-first issue. Someone is claiming that I always get angry before anything else.. But I beg to differ.. I dun get angry without any reason.. I got angry cos I was being lied to.. who wouldnt wan a happily-ever-after ending everyday?.. who in their right mind would wan to get angry for no apparent reason.. but wait.. in the first place.. the person thinks I am insane.. oh watever.. everyone is entitled to his or her own tots.. didnt they claim that this was a free country?

But I refused to succumb to this person's unreasonble behaviour. This particular person always lies to me.. and then turns around and claim that I dun trust in him/her.. but how am I supposed to trust in someone who lies? when do I noe if he/she is lying and when he/she is not lying? Trust has to be built.. over time.. it takes more effort and time to built trust than to shatter it.. it gets even harder to build trust after each that it has been shattered. it is human nature to be defensive.. once bitten twice shy.. think about it..

If he lied to u once.. he's a fool.. If he lied to u twice.. u are the fool.. I am the fool...

To know or not to know?

2005-07-08T20:58:00.000+08:00

when did anyone ever tell u that life is simple? life's never simple but complicated instead.. at least from my experience... those who tell u life's simple.. they are simple-minded ppl..true.. u can always choose to view things simply.. but things are never what they seem to be..

so let me ask u a question.. if there is one such piece of hurtful knowledge.. would u choose to know about it or be kept in the dark?.. if u get to know about it.. u will be so broken.... if u dun know about it.. u will be blissful .. at least for the moment... so which would u choose? would u want to be a Mei Li Ban Nu Ren (beautiful stupid woman)? sometimes i wish i could.. but i have a machine-like analyser brain ahahha.. so it is hard to pretend to be stupid and live simiply..so it's hard for me to be kept in the dark even if i wan to.. with enuff said.. i think i will choose to be hurt.... but at the back of my mind i would wish i was kept in the dark... but whatever it is if something is meant to come it will come.. there's no way we can stop it.

nice time with jie meis..

2005-06-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

yup.. as the title of this post suggests... i had a great time with my jie meis.. not all of them.. only the 4 of us.. today.. we went shopping hahaha and there wwas mango sale on.. so we popped by 3 mango outlets hahaha searching thru piles of clothes.. but we din reallly find much good buys.. shiqi and qian both bought a top each if i am not wrong hehehe.. we walked till we were tired and hungry and then sat down at heng heng's ... intending to have a drink and some food there.. but decided that it was nott that worth it to eat there plus we should have dinner stuff = solid stuff hahaha.. so we made a move to the Big O Cafe hahaha.. and had a great meal there.. and we started recalling some sec sch incidents hahaha.. so funny.. diz and qian found that they missed out all a lot of gossips.. no.. that does not indicate that shoi and i were 38s hahahah.. we just happened to know the ppl involved and ppl related to the ppl involved in the gossips.. so we had more juicy bits of the gossips hahaha.. in all.. I had a great time..

The World of the Misunderstood Emails bet Profs & Students

2005-06-23T17:24:00.000+08:00

Below are exchanges of emails from me and my supervisor for my fyp.. I was supposed to get his signature on some lab safety release form so that the lab officer can sign and i can hand in my report..

but i guess my supervisor din really get the main reason i was sending the email to him.. so he din reply my most pressing question.. that is :

"what should i do since i cant get his signature on the lab safety release form before the fyp report submission dateline ( which is on 30th june 2005) since he is overseas till 1st july 2005?"

ARRRRGGGG!!! miscommunications.. so what should i do? I kept reading through the emails and maybe i wasnt clear enuff ( with all my typo errors hahaha)..I suggested that i hand in the report first without the lab release form but he never said it was ok or not ( ok.. maybe i should have put that sentence as a question sentence..complete with a question mark)...

From: Student X Sent: Tue 6/21/2005 3:59 PM
To: Prof X
Cc:
Subject: RE: FYP scheme
Attachments:

View As Web Page
Dear Prof X,

I would require your signature for the Laboratory Release Form to submit with my report as notified by the Lab Officer, XX. She asked if you could authorise another supervisor to sign the form as she would need to sign the form after my supervisor has done so. She would be away on course on 29th and 30th June. Hence, I would need to get the signatures soon.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Regards,
Student X

-----Original Message-----
From: Prof X
Sent: Sat 6/18/2005 4:49 PM
To: Student X
Cc:
Subject: RE: FYP scheme

Dear Student X,

You need to submit a hardcopy of report to the Department Office by the deadline.

Regards,

Prof X

-----Original Message-----
From: Student X
Sent: 2005/6/18 [星期六] 上午 10:15
To: Prof X
Cc:
Subject: RE: FYP scheme

Dear Prof X,

In that case I will submit the report without the lab safety release form first. I hope that is fine. May I know what is the procedure for submitting the lap report? Do I have to hand in a hard copy to the department or to you?

Thank you for your kind attention. Happy holidays.

Regards,
Student X

-----Original Message-----
From: Prof X
Sent: Fri 6/17/2005 11:16 PM
To: Student X
Cc:
Subject: RE: FYP scheme

Dear Student X,

I am overseas now and will come back on July 1st.

Regards,

Prof X

-----Original Message-----
From: Student X
Sent: 2005/6/17 [星期五] 下午 10:14
To: Prof X
Cc:
Subject: RE: FYP scheme

Dear Prof X,

I would like to enquire if you will be available on Moday (20th June) as I need to have your signature on the lab safety release form.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Regards,

Student X

It's a small world....

2005-06-23T10:27:00.000+08:00

Was reading the papers and i came across this article interviewing the New York Times columinist Thomas Friedman... and these were the words that he said and i tot was quite true and a bit funny...

"I tell my daughters that when I was growing up in Minnesota in the 1950s, my parents used to say to me :" Tom, finish your dinner. People in China and India are starving." And I tell my girls:" Girls, finish your homework. People in China and India are starving for your jobs.""

2005-06-17T01:46:00.000+08:00

Lindt Swiss Thins .. a treat from ek.. to perk me up when doing my report

A beautiful mind at work...

2005-06-17T01:29:00.000+08:00

yes.. it is 1.30am exactly.. and the beautiful mind is still at work.. finally finished the discussion part of my fyp report.. so now its back to the lit review.. oh.. how i hate lit reviews.. hahaha.. whenever i am doing lab reports or any project reports.. i will try to snatch the calculations part or the discussion part to do and let the rest of my group do the lit reivew.. background.. intro.. etc.. hahaha cos i just cant do lit reviews.. background.. intro!! hahaha.. sorry to all those who did reports together with me! hahaha the meaty part is the monster's fav.. hahah

today i receive a call from someone whom my sis bought krisflyer miles from to fly from her workplace back here recently.. the person said that he has a fren who is willing to sell his krisflyer points to NY for $850.. cos when i collected my sis's tics from him.. i enquired about points to fly to the states.. and the offer is so good that i am so tempted to go to the states with ek (he has a meeting in New Orleans after which he will be touring in San Fran)..so i asked how much would it be to go to san fran.. the person is willing to sell at $900.. thats w/o the taxes.. the taxes is about 200+.. and since i have my northwest mileage, i can claim a return domestic flight from san fran to new orleans.. so in all, the airfare will be 1100+.. so i told my sis and ek.. my sis offered to pay some of it.. ek offered to pay for it as he tot it was a good deal.. but i am still considering.. very confused.. cos it is quite last minute.. if i am goin to take up teh offer.. that means i will be flying around next tues... am not mentally prepared for the long lonely flight.. but then again.. it's on SQ.. so it wun be as bad as the first time i went on a northwest plane.. in fact that was the worst flight i had ever taken..

another thing that is holding me back is my fyp report!.. i still haven finish it.. if i can finish it by sat maybe i can go.. duno duno duno.. so fan.. plus i dunno how is the submission of the report like.. hardcopy to prof? to dept? to supervisor? soft copy? upload to ivle? dunno.. no one noes anyway hahaha.. so am goin to email my prof tomolo i think.. which is today lah.. hahah.. and looking at the rate i am goin.. still blogging and eating choc when the sky is about to fall on me.. it's a goner...decisions decisions decisions... should i go or not???

Take my quiz!

2005-06-09T17:41:00.000+08:00

hey dudes!.. take my quiz and find out how much u noe about me... just click on the link found at the side bar..

Salads, Running, etc

2005-05-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

yup.. recently, i have this craze about salads.. funny.. i have never been a very veggie person.. always trying to avoid veggie if possible.. hahah.. i have tried out 3 places' salads so far.. let me give u the lowdown of the salads available in town:

Ranking in number 1 position is... (drum roll).. Salad from... BURGER KING!!.. yup.. they have this really tasty caesar salad.. it comes with either flame grilled chicken or prawns.. the chicken one is superb.. as for the prawns one.. umm.. though i am a seafood lover (read: loves prawns, crabs, lobster, crayfish).. i would have to give the prawns one a bad rating.. it tastes kinda weird with the salad..

Rankin in number 2 position is.. Coffee Beans & Tea Leaves' Caesar Salad with Chicken.. coffee beans & tea leaves' ceasar salad has a generous serving of shredded cheddar and croutons.. oh my.. do i love cheese and croutons.. maybe thats the reason why i am starting to like salads..

Ranking in number 3 position is ... Gelare's ceasar salad.. not exactly very nice.. ok.. i was just trying to be nice.. it was not nice at all.. bwhahaha.. the hard boiled egg that came along with it was half done.. all still soggy...and there was no chicken in it.. just a pathetic sprinkle of bacon bits..

Ranking in the last positions is.. KFC's salad.. nope.. i din exactly tried it.. din dare to.. after hearin from yiling.. the salad had a weird dressing.. weird dress sense huh.. haha.. and it din taste good at all..

yup.. thats all i have on salads.. oh.. and my sis told me thatt there is this place where they serve yummy salads too.. but for now.. the name of the place just slipped out of my mind.. will check with her again.. and let u peeps know!..

ok.. i went running below my block during the long weekend.. and went to the gym sometime before that.. boy.. was i shagged.. i was so curious to find out how many km the perimeter around my surrounding block was.. and how much i had ran.. so i checked up the streetdirectory and did some rough estimation.. it was only about 3+km.. and was i exhausted after the run.. must motivate myself to train up to the kind of fitness condition i was in when i was in the netball team.. cant stand the flabbiness.. hahaha..

oh.. and i am now so hooked on a book.. no.. it is not the book on experimental research report writing.. though i am also currently reading that.. the book i'm readin now is the Lady Killer.. i love thrillers.. they make me think.. makes my mind work.. and try to figure things out or try to predict which is the character's next step.. ya.. so thats all i have for u now.. think i will get back to my reading..

2005-05-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

Wounded were all.. emotionally.. physically.. mentally

2005-05-16T23:09:00.001+08:00

Images of the brave ones..

2005-05-16T23:09:00.000+08:00

Soldiers..

Wkend...

2005-05-16T00:02:00.000+08:00

ok.. the previous entry was a sudden outburst from that other side of me.. nah.. nope.. i dun have a spilt personality if u are wonderin.. ok.. so here's a quick update of what i did..

Fri-
went to check on the stupid solution on the shaker.. then went out with the jie meis.. ahhaha nope.. din get anything..was still deciding whether or not to go to the states with him.. i found a cheaper route.. that was to take Malaysia Airlines to LA and wait for him to join me there... but i was still deciding whether to go or not.. so i told him about it over dinner.. and this time round he offered to pay.. but then i dun think it is very nice ..cos i dun wan to waste his money.. cos will only be there for like a week only.. compared to the other 2 times i was there for 1 mth each..stiill undecided.. oh ya.. and actually another person from chem eng wanted tto use that shaker for his fyp.. and he felt bad that tthat F***ing bitch made me go back for the solution on the shaker.. so he smsed me and apologised.. i oso felt bad too.. cos i was not angry at him and i tottally understand he oso need to do his fyp.. but it was that F***ing bitch's fault..

Sat-
yes.. finally a day when i dun need to go back to check on that stupid solution..spent more than half the day at home lazing around.. did a skeleton for my fyp report..then went for tuition and went out with him to eat with his family..went to this restaurant..i was not very comfortable whenever i was around his family... was afraid i do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing or come across as impolite..after so many years.. i finally had real good grade shark's fin soup.. the last time i had it was in sec 4 on a community involvement trip to chiangmai.. our team member had a relative who had a shark's fin shop there..ok.. so the dinner cost him a bomb..but he is always so generous.. i still remembered that lobster we had at boston ..

Sun-
laze around at his place.. watched quite a few hours of Band of Brothers.. finally goin to finish that whole series.. think we were at the 7th disc.. left with 3 discs.. it was quite nice.. looking at how strong the human spirit was..i liked the music too.. always hoped that i can play such grand music.. thats why i took up organ lessons...i still dun understand why there must be war.. i have always said i wanted to be a soldier.. but looking at the Band of Brothers.. i start to doubtt that i woould ever have that much courage to fight in a war..i tot it was quite relevant.. so i have decided to put up a pic of the vietnam war memorial we took in the states.. though the Band of Brothers was on a different war.. here's my salute tto all the soldiers who have ever fought in a war..

SURE YOU CAN!

2005-04-27T23:49:00.000+08:00

SURE YOU CAN!
April 18, 2005

Remember when you were a little child trying to learn to walk? Maybe not, but I'm pretty sure it went something like this:

First you had to learn to stand: a process involving constantly falling down, then getting back up. You laughed sometimes and cried at other times. Somehow there was a determination and conviction that you would succeed, no matter what.

After much practice you finally figure out how to balance yourself, a necessary requirement. You enjoyed this new feeling of power - you'd stand everywhere you could - in your crib, by the couch, on someone's lap. It was a joyous time - you did it! You were in control of you.

Now - the next step - walking. You'd seen others do it - it didn't look that hard - just move your legs while you were standing, right? Wrong - more complexity than you ever imagined. More frustration than anyone should have to deal with. But you tried, again and again and again until you figured this out, too.

If people caught you walking, they applauded, they laughed, it was a, "Oh my God, look at what he's/she's doing". This encouragement fueled you on; it raised your self-confidence. But how many times did you attempt when no one was watching, when no one was cheering? Every chance you got. You had places to go, things to see, knowledge to learn. You couldn't wait for someone to encourage you to take the next steps. You learned how to encourage yourself.

If we could only remember this about ourselves in today's day.

Remember that we can do anything we set our minds to if we are willing to go through the process, just like when we learned to walk. We don't need to wait for others to encourage us; we need to encourage ourselves.

If you've forgotten how to do this, or feel like your self-esteem needs a boost, take a short journey back through the your life - look at your accomplishments, no matter if they were large or small - you met the challenge and figured out a way to succeed. Focus on all the things you thought you could never do, initially, and did. While going back, look for the little child you once were. Thank them for never giving up. As you wave goodbye, remember they will never give up on you. They have believed in you all of your life!

Now you need to believe in you too!

"Remember, today is the best day of your life because yesterday was and tomorrow may only be." --- Marlene

A story that i thought was quite touching and nice

2005-04-27T18:15:00.000+08:00

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms.
The bridal car stopped in
front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that
I carry her out of
the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home.
She was then plump and
shy.

I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was
the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of
pure water: we had a kid, I
went into business and tried to make more
money. When the assets were
steadily increasing, the affections between us
seemed to ebb. She was a
civil servant. Every morning we left home together
and got home almost at
the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding
school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.
But the calm life was more
likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony.
Dew hugged me from
behind. My heart once again was immersed in her
stream of love. This was
the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best
draws girls. Her words suddenly
reminded me of my wife. When we just married,
my wife said, Men like you,
once successful, would be very attractive to girls.
Thinking of this, I
became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed
my wife. But I couldnt;'
help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said, you go to
select some furniture, O.K.?
I 've got something to do in the company.
Obviously she was unhappy,
because I had promised her to go and see with
her. At the moment, the idea
of divorce became clearer in my mind although it
used to be something
impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife
about it. No matter
how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be
deeply hurt. Honestly, she
was a good wife. Every evening she was busy
preparing dinner. I was
sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready
soon. Then we watched TV
together.

Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing
Dew's body. This was
the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way,
suppose we divorce, what
will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds
without a word.

Apparently she believed that divorce was
something too far away from her.
I couldnt; imagine how she would react once she
got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just
stepped out. Almost all the
staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and
tried to hide something
while talking with her. She seemed to have got
some hint. She gently
smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in
her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, Divorce her, O.K.?
Then we live together. I
nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her
hand. I 've got something to
tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt
in her eyes. Suddenly I didnt; know how to open
my mouth. But I had to let
her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I
raised a serious topic
calmly.

She didnt; t seem to be much annoyed by my
words, instead she asked me
softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question.
This so-called answer
turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks
and shouted at me, you are
not a man!

At that night, we didnt; talk to each other. She
was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our
marriage. But I could hardly
give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart
had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce
agreement, which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30%
stake of my company. She
glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a
pain in my heart. The
woman who had been living ten years with me
would become a stranger one
day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was
what I had expected to
see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce,
which had obsessed me for several weeks,
seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining
my clients. I saw her
writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast.
When I woke up, I
found she was still there. I turned over and was
asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didnt;
want anything from me,
but I was supposed to give her one month's time
before divorce, and in the
month's time we must live as normal life as
possible. Her reason was
simple: our son would finish his summer vacation
a month later and she
didnt; want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and
then asked me, do you still
remember how I entered our bridal room on the
wedding day? This question
suddenly brought back all those wonderful
memories to me.

I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in
your arms, she continued,
so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out
in your arms on the
day when we divorce. From now to the end of this
month, you must carry me
out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those
sweet days and wished to
end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions.
She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she
does, she has to face the
result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words
more or less made me
feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since
my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other
as a stranger. So when I
carried her out for the first day, we both appeared
clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in
his arms. His words brought
me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the
sitting room, then to the
door, I walked over ten meters with her in my
arms. She closed her eyes
and said softly, let us start from today, don t tell
our son. I nodded,
feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait
for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more
easily. She leaned on my
chest. We were so close that I could smell the
fragrance of her blouse. I
realized that I had not looked at this intimate
woman carefully for a long
time. I found she was not young any more. There
were some fine wrinkles
on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside
garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to
feel that we were
still an intimate couple and I was holding my
sweetheart in my arms. The
visualization of Dew became more vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me
something, such as,
where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful
while cooking, etc. I
nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didnt; tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the
everyday workout made me
stronger. I said to her, it seems not difficult to carry
you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to
carry her out. She tried
quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then
she sighed, all my
dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly
realized that it was
because she was thinner that I could carry her
more easily, not because I
was stronger. I knew she had buried all the
bitterness in her heart.
Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I
reached out a hand to
touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to
carry mum out. He said.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out
had been an essential
part of his life. She gestured our son to come
closer and hugged him
tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I
would change my mind at
the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from
the bedroom, through
the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand
surrounded my neck softly and
naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came
back to our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could
hardly move a step.
Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I
hope you will hold me in
your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didnt;
notice that our life
was lack of such intimacy. I jumped out of the car
swiftly without locking
the door. I was afraid any delay would make me
change my decision. I
walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to
her, Sorry, Dew, I won't
divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched
my forehead. You got no
fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head.
Sorry, Dew, I said, I can
only say sorry to you, I wont; divorce. My
marriage life was boring
probably because she and I didnt; value the
details of life, not because
we didnt; love each other any more. Now I
understand that since I carried
her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am
supposed to hold her
until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me
a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs
and drove to the
office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I
ordered a bouquet for my wife,
which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me
to write the greeting
words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I 'll carry
you out every morning
until we are old.

Sometimes we are so comfortable living in the
love showered by our love
ones that we take things for granted. It takes a
true heart to give and
sacrifice, so treasure and never shatter it. Cheers
and have a lovely week
ahead!

Sequel to Bad Day

2005-04-27T16:40:00.000+08:00

Yes! Another Bad Day!.. cant believe my luck! My new hp is warded into Nokia Hospital!.. This is how it happened.. saw phone left with 2 bars of batt.. so i went to sleep.. while sleeping phone gave out weird beeps.. cannot be bothered so i continue to sleep.. woke up.. and check phone.. it shut down on its own.. ok.. nv.. to batt died.. the phone was very hot.. i tot umm... dunno what happen.. must be the batt.. nvm.. so plug it in to charge.. tried to on phone.. cannot on.. so i tot let it gain some energy first.. after a while i tried on-ing the phone again.. still cannot.. panic.. umm.. so i brought it down to the shop where it bought it from tot within 7 days can have 1-1 exchange.. but nop!..thats for samsung and dunno what other phones.. nokia doesnt have this policy.. so went to nokia hospital.. andyes.. it has to be warded for a week.. and i am back to stone age.. watever lah.. so sick and tired of these things...

Listening to:Savage Garden-I Don't Know You Anymore

2005-04-19T13:42:00.000+08:00

I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called
But someone had to be the first to break

We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous
If you can pretend that you've forgiven me

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

Springtime in the city
Always such relief from the winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold
If you know what I mean

Everyone's got an agenda
Don't stop
Keep that chin up you'll be alright
Can you believe what a year it's been
Are you still the same?
Has your opinion changed?

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from these sentences
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it everyday

So maybe I shouldn't have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

Listenin to: Savage Garden-Hold me

2005-04-19T13:37:00.000+08:00

Hey
If we can't find a way out of these problems
Then maybe we don't need this
Standing face to face
Enemies at war we build defenses
And secret hiding places

I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say it's alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man

Hey
More than angry words I hate this silence
It's getting so loud
Well I want to scream
But bitterness has silenced these emotions
It's getting hard to breathe

So tell me isn't happiness
Worth more than a gold diamond ring?
I'm willing o do anything
To calm the storm in my heart

I've never been the praying kind
But lately I've been down upon my knees
Not looking for a miracle
Just a reason to believe

Do you remember not long ago?
When we used to live for the nighttime
Cherish each moment

Now we don't live we exist
We just run through our lives
So alone
That's why you've got to hold me

Bad Day..

2005-04-18T16:31:00.000+08:00

As the title says it all.. I had a bad day.. woke up at 6plus to go for interview.. lost my hp in the exxon harbour front toilet!.. security guard was not helpful at all.. i seriously think the cleaner auntie took it ok.. the whole time i ask her she was acting blur.. :(... why would someone wan an old ugly lousy phone like mine?.. it is just a nokia 6100.. no mp3 player.. no camera..no video recording.. no sound recording.. no nothing.. just a phone for me to communicate with others.. now all my msges stored inside are gone.. all my contacts are gone.. so sad..

as if it wasnt bad enuff.. i found out that there were 9 positions available only and there were 10 of us.. since i am so sway today i bet i am the 10th person who din get it.. lets wait and see...

then it was raining cats and dogs when i was about to reach home.. what a big day...

i was so upset i bought myself a bk student's meal.. and ate all i can.. and talked to my sis online and talked to my mother.. they wanted to get me a new phone.. so touchededed.. but i din noe what phone to get.. cos all i wanted was my old phone back.. can i pay the person who took it the money it was worth and get my phone back?.. maybe i should go paste a poster in the toilet.. even if i wan to buy back the same model oso dun have liao :(.. in the end i cant decided what phone i wan.. so i told my mum and sis i will just get it after exams.. no one contact me anyway.. and i went to sleep.. and i refuse to wake up and finally i woke up and i am forcing myself to study.. :( and i still have tuition later.. sian diao

Especially for Yiling...

2005-04-10T19:28:00.000+08:00

Hey gal! Thanks for helping me do the drawing thingy.. toucheded.. hehehe.. owe u are treat.. realised only true frens will come to your call for aid.. :)...

Sleepy Sunday...

2005-04-10T15:10:00.000+08:00

just got back from tuition and lunch... exhausted.. couldnt get to sleep last nite.. think i slept too much yesterday afternoon.. yes.. i shall attempt to study for my german vocab test again.. it's so hot outside... lucky i'm back home liao..

2005-04-09T23:13:00.000+08:00

Topsy

2005-04-09T23:12:00.000+08:00

Sydney, Australia

2005-04-09T23:04:00.000+08:00

Jie Meis

2005-04-09T23:02:00.000+08:00

Lao Gao and ME

2005-04-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

2005-04-09T22:59:00.000+08:00

21st..

Just another Saturday..

2005-04-09T09:52:00.000+08:00

hey ppl.. so what's everyone doing now?.. how are my jie meis?.. guess everyone's pretty busy with exam preparations.. ummm well.. i'm supposed to study for my german vocab test now.. but hhehehe.. here i am creating my own blog.. as usual.. when the exams are drawing near.. i will go into depression.. have been restless for the whole of yesterday and today.. finally my mech design project is getting somewhere.. have been thinking about what I could do after my exams.. even smsed shwuling and ask her to go kayaking after exams hahaha... coincidentally.. we have our last paper on the same day! yeah! then we can go and paint the town red after our exams..and I have already made an appointment with the ever so busy miss tan yingyin ahhaha.. miss my jie meis.. ehhehe.. for my jie meis in ntu.. one more week to exams.. jia you! for my jie meis in nus.. hahaha.. we still have time to slack.. aaa... nnonono.. i mean to prepare.. hahahah..dun slack.. hahaha okok.. i am talking nonsense now.. signs of non functioning brain.. ummm must find out more about how to decorate this new thingy..

And Qian ask me to add in.. I am chatting with her now hahahahhaahah